Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Who died my cat blue again?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
