On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize