Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
its not stalking. its research.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
