i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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