I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize