just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
