Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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