its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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