I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize