i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
