I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
