I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
