I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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