I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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