i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
