omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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