Sponge bath it is.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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