my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
