never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
