made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
