if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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