batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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