You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
