I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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