I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
did i walk over a car last night?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
