I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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