i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
