You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
