Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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