WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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