my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
