Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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