He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize