i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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