So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
