You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I need a beard to bite.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
