We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
