I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
