I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
