I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
