I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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