I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
