I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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