His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
