his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
