you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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