well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize