dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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