My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
