I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
