the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I FOUND THE LEGS
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