Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
