what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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