Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
