I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
