My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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