some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
