I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
