If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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