I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
