I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
