You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
