Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
