You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
