3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Apparently you make a good broom.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
