Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
