hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize