Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
