HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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