VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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