Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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