Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
