am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
