piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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