We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
