You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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