I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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