We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
