I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
